Reference: Liu, P. J., Rim, S., Min, L., & Min, K. E. (2023). The surprise of reaching out: Appreciated more than we think. Journal of personality and social psychology, 124(4), 754–771. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000402 “Do people value and appreciate when we contact them?” Psychologists wanted to know. In a series of 13 studies, researchers randomly assigned 200 participants to one of two roles: initiator or responder. They asked initiators to recall the last time they reached out to someone "just because" or "just to catch up." They asked the responders to recall the last time someone reached out to them identifying whether the interaction occurred via email, text, or phone after a long break. Results? Initiators estimated lower appreciation from others when they reached out. In contrast, responders recalled feeling more appreciated when someone reached out to them to their surprise. This suggests people may underestimate the value of their efforts because they don’t expect the other to appreciate it so. The findings show that we underestimate how much others value our efforts to connect. Their focus on being surprised led to responders’ greater appreciation. Conclusion? Surprise someone! Reach out! Give a simple appreciation, comment, joke, or question. Send a loved one a text, write a friend a letter, a birthday card, or give a small gift to someone you care about. They likely will welcome your kindness and appreciate your reaching out!

Written by Kristin M. Harris, Ph.D.